Dreams

In dreams, we enter a world that's entirely our own.  ~Steven Kloves, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

I'll take the dream I had last night,
And put it in my freezer,
So someday long and far away,
When I'm an old grey greezer,
I'll take it out and thaw it out,
This lovely dream I've frozen,
And boil it up and sit me down
And dip my old cold toes in.
~Shel Silverstein, "Frozen Dream," A Light in the Attic
In a dream you are never eighty.  ~Anne Sexton






We all dream. We all have dreams. We all have hopes. This blog is a little tale about mine.

I am a 41 year old mother of two. I am a nurse manager at a small community hospital in Vermont. I moved from Texas a few weeks ago, where I had lived for 18 years. I worked at a county hospital for all of those years. I worked in the Burn Unit, clinic management, ER and medical control and mostly loved it. I changed. People changed. I moved on.
One of my favorite jobs was medical control for 16 fire departments, the largest of which was Dallas Fire. We sat in a radio room...a small radio room...with one other person, usually a medic from one of the departments. The job was the absolute best! I became friends with the medics over the years. I've been through more weddings, divorces, children, deaths, births, arrests (medical and legal)...I know more about some of these guys than my family knows about me, but that's another story. I've dated some of the firemen, wanted to date others and never wanted to be in the same room with some of the others. ;-) But one thing I learned over all the years...they are a family. When one dies, they pull together as a famiy, whether the fireman was on their department or from a department across the country. 9/11 was horrible. I worked that night. We watched the video and heard the stories for weeks until I couldn't take it. The depression from the whole situation was a spiral for me. I still have difficulty watching coverage from it.
The fire departments I worked with accepted me into their fold. They held my hand during a crappy marriage, divorce, rough patches with my son, rough patches in the ER, good days, better days and bad days. I wasn't thought of as just a medical control nurse but was absorbed into their family. Moving away was the hardest thing I've ever done.
When I got up here to Vermont, I realized that the EMS system and fire department were volunteer based. I found out that many of my ER staff worked with the rescue squad and while I am learning to like them (they are a DIFFICULT bunch) I sure as hell do not want to see them on my own time plus...well....I've always wanted to be a firefighter.
Yeah, I know, I'm a girl and not in great shape, and my family would have shit if I did that after college...but I've always wanted to. Ok, well, I wanted to be a police officer and a vet too. Holy shitballs, Batman! You don't suppose they would let me on the department, do you?????
I got in touch with the chief about a month after I got here. Ok, well, by "got in touch" I mean I tracked down his email and tried to plead my case. One line reply..."come by the station any tuesday at 7pm"...um, ok...so the 1st tuesday I chickened out. And yes, I blamed it on work and getting out late but the truth is I chickened out. Ok, well, since we're being honest, I chickened out a few times. And then by friday of each week, I would regret it.
I got another 1 line email from him about 7pm on tuesdays but it was the week my bday was on tuesday so that wasn't happening and I told him that in an email back. So.....
this past week, I showed up on tuesday. There were a few guys there, teaching a new guy how to build a hydrant. I asked to see the chief and was told he'd be back in a minute so I waited and watched. The guys kept looking at me but wouldn't say much to me.
Finally the chief came in and I introduced myself. We talked a little bit, he gave me an application. It needed 2 sponsors on the department to sign off for me. How the hell am I going to do that??? I don't know these guys!! But when he handed it to me...he had already given me his signature! I only needed one more! He sent me over to talk to the driver who talked to me for a minute or 2 and signed off to sponsor me...as long as I wasn't going to prison anytime soon ;-) there's a story there but it's not mine to tell. I promised that I was not planning to go to prison this weekend, or anytime , really. I went over and learned about building hydrants with the new guy (he's been there 3 months) and then the chief said we were going for a ride. And off we went to a salvage yard where the rest of the crew was doing extrication training. I met several really cool people including a mom like me! She and her husband are both on and are probie's too! I wasn't sure why they were looking at me a little strangely when I walked up behind the chief but I blew it off. I found out later that he had introduced me as his girlfriend! Yup, firemen are all the same! It was pretty funny!
We went back to the station and the chief and I washed and squeegeed the apparatus room floor and waited on the crew to return. He and I talked a bit, kidded around etc...turns out he's a yankee fan. I, of course, am NOT. But he said he might let that slide for now. We agreed not to discuss it.
I stayed for the meeting after, talked to one of the captains and pal'd around with some of the guys. (and just so we're clear...when I say "guys" or "firemen" I am speaking of the crew, women included...that's just how this goes). I was told by the Captain to return to the station on Monday night for the officers' interview and tuesday for the weekly meeting. I would be voted on at that time.
It's hard to believe that I might possibly be a firefighter...finally...after all this time...maybe dreams do come true. Guess we'll find out by next week....